Yeah, I really do have better things to do. But anyway.

From Overheard in New York:

Chick: Ya know, I gotta say, you really do need to take drugs to be interesting. 'Cuase without 'em, you're really boring.

Teen girl: Yeah, and then I woke up in a pool of his vomit. It was awesome.

Street vendor: Rims, Rims...buy some rims. Don't have to own a car to buy rims!

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man.

Man: All I ever want to do is hang around my apartment. Nekkid. With money taped all over me.

Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. "WILL DO ANYTHING".
Chick: Whoa, no, don't say that. Soon you'll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.

Dad: Do you want to go home and get s-t-o-n-e-d?

Girl: How come music downloads here cost $1 and they cost $0.10 in Europe?
Guy: Because anything that makes sense can't happen in America any more.
Girl: Fair enough.

Chick #1: Would it be wrong to have a one-night stand, just so the guy will change my lightbulb?
Chick #2: It's only wrong if he turns out to be too short.

Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma's condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?

Catholic schoolgirl: I am so mature! I'm gonna be 16 soon. That means I can drive.
Boyfriend: That's awesome.
Catholic schoolgirl: How many months is that in?
Boyfriend: I dunno...
Catholic schoolgirl: Let's see...June, July, August, September, November...December? No, that's not right... January, February, April, May...

Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!...Well was she any good?...Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick?

Guy: I touched your eyeball, doesn't that mean I love you?
Girl: Touch it again!
Guy: No you freak!